Daily Manna
August 21, 2009
From Pain to Destiny
By Os Hillman
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything
James 1:2-5
God often allows pain to ignite destiny in our lives. Without motivation, many of us would never fulfill the purposes for which God created us. Oftentimes a measured assault invades our life and creates a depth of pain that all we know to do is press into God with all our being.
At first, our motivation is to alleviate the pain. After a season of extreme emotional and sometimes physical pain, a second phase begins. This phase moves us to discover a new and deeper relationship with God. We begin to discover things about ourselves and about God that we never would have discovered without this motivation. Gradually, our heart changes our motivation from pain to loving obedience because there is a transition of the heart that takes place. No longer do we seek God for deliverance from the pain; we seek God because He is God. We seek His face and not His hand.
When we move to the second phase we often find ourselves moving into a new destiny and calling for our lives because God often separates us from the old life in this process. No doubt Joseph and Peter felt the pain of their individual crises. However, later they could realize God's purposes in their crisis. Like Joseph, we are able to say, "You meant it for evil, but God meant it for good."
Today, let God move you from the place of pain to the place of destiny. Let God show you the secret things He has reserved for you as a result of the crisis you may find yourself in.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Thursday, July 09, 2009
A time for everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
In the midst of a busy day at work, i had a moment of quietness when i pondered about relationships.
I know that i have placed my memory of Bernard on such a high pedestal that it is almost impossible for any other person to compare to him in my heart. and it seems that every guy that comes along, inevitably gets compared and falls short.
But the only person we should want to be like and be measured against is Christ.
Recently (after church camp to be exact), i was very convicted... and really want to re-commit my life to God. even in areas that i used to want to keep out of bounds to God. I have lost focus over the past year, and it has made me feel rather disillusioned, hopeless and disappointed. But God is ever faithfully drawing me back to him. And now, i do want to seek His peace that comes from trusting completely in His plan and His timing, even amidst uncertainty. In fact, uncertainty is what tests our faith.
That includes the area of relationship. Thinking back on all the guys that have expressed interest, and all the guys that i have had crushes on (they were somehow two very distinct groups of people..heh).. i realised i have stopped seeking God in this area, instead praying for God to tell me exactly who and when, and by the way please make what i want happen :P
But as i read some books recently, i realised that God has a perfect time for everything. Time is God's way of making sure things don't happen all at once, but there is a reason for some things to happen now and some later... and instead of focusing on what is NOT happening yet, God means for us to focus on the things that He has for us now. It means being faithful and content with where we are now, like savouring each course of a meal.
Right after the accident, i thought, nothing lasts forever. not people, not things, not places. Jesus is the only one who never changes, who is there for us for all time, and in whom we should place our utmost trust and derive our ultimate satisfaction. (but then i forgot this truth along the way :P) Not meaning it in a bad way, but i guess i was also very very attached to Bernard. that even now, i am finding it hard to let him go.
And so in that moment today, i prayed that God will help me to let Bernard go.
Incidentally, my daily devotion book for today was on Ecclesiastes 3. And the commentary said [excerpt] "Let go of what lies behind and press on to what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13-14). Reach toward the new horizon that God has for you. You will be glad you did."
and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
9 What does the worker gain from his toil? 10 I have seen the burden God has laid on men. 11 He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
In the midst of a busy day at work, i had a moment of quietness when i pondered about relationships.
I know that i have placed my memory of Bernard on such a high pedestal that it is almost impossible for any other person to compare to him in my heart. and it seems that every guy that comes along, inevitably gets compared and falls short.
But the only person we should want to be like and be measured against is Christ.
Recently (after church camp to be exact), i was very convicted... and really want to re-commit my life to God. even in areas that i used to want to keep out of bounds to God. I have lost focus over the past year, and it has made me feel rather disillusioned, hopeless and disappointed. But God is ever faithfully drawing me back to him. And now, i do want to seek His peace that comes from trusting completely in His plan and His timing, even amidst uncertainty. In fact, uncertainty is what tests our faith.
That includes the area of relationship. Thinking back on all the guys that have expressed interest, and all the guys that i have had crushes on (they were somehow two very distinct groups of people..heh).. i realised i have stopped seeking God in this area, instead praying for God to tell me exactly who and when, and by the way please make what i want happen :P
But as i read some books recently, i realised that God has a perfect time for everything. Time is God's way of making sure things don't happen all at once, but there is a reason for some things to happen now and some later... and instead of focusing on what is NOT happening yet, God means for us to focus on the things that He has for us now. It means being faithful and content with where we are now, like savouring each course of a meal.
Right after the accident, i thought, nothing lasts forever. not people, not things, not places. Jesus is the only one who never changes, who is there for us for all time, and in whom we should place our utmost trust and derive our ultimate satisfaction. (but then i forgot this truth along the way :P) Not meaning it in a bad way, but i guess i was also very very attached to Bernard. that even now, i am finding it hard to let him go.
And so in that moment today, i prayed that God will help me to let Bernard go.
Incidentally, my daily devotion book for today was on Ecclesiastes 3. And the commentary said [excerpt] "Let go of what lies behind and press on to what lies ahead (Philippians 3:13-14). Reach toward the new horizon that God has for you. You will be glad you did."
Monday, May 18, 2009
An entry in the phone list
While reading Hanglu's blog, i came across a picture card she posted, and Weisoon suggested it could have been from PostSecret. And so, being curious, i went to have a look. i think i read about the site before but forgot abt it.
and... this one struck me. actually i do it too, for Bernard's contact on my various phones. His work and personal mobile, home telephone number, room telephone number, birthday, dad's number. i was just short of putting in his passport number and issue/expiry dates that i kept for booking trips. and his picture. cos once, his dad called me from home and bernard's picture showed up as the caller. i tell you, that was such a heart attack :P
not sure why we do these stuffs. maybe to assure ourselves of the person's place in our lives in a more tangible way?
and... this one struck me. actually i do it too, for Bernard's contact on my various phones. His work and personal mobile, home telephone number, room telephone number, birthday, dad's number. i was just short of putting in his passport number and issue/expiry dates that i kept for booking trips. and his picture. cos once, his dad called me from home and bernard's picture showed up as the caller. i tell you, that was such a heart attack :P
not sure why we do these stuffs. maybe to assure ourselves of the person's place in our lives in a more tangible way?
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Do not fear
365 times God said this. Do not fear.
When He says it that many times, you know that He is serious about it.
I traded a night out of drinking, for a cosy night in of (snacking and) watching Facing the Giants (yeah Jo's vcd has been with me for like... months :P)
It is a very simple show, nothing fancy. and apparently made by a church. even the spectators at the football games were made up of church-goers.
What touched me the most was something that wasn't even the main event.
The coach's wife dearly loves kids, and have been longing for kids of their own. and when they learnt that they are not able to have kids, they were devastated. He went out into the garden to read God's word, and to pray. and then he said to his wife.. Will you still love Him if He doesn't give us children?
Very much later in the show, she went for a pregnancy test (for the third time) and was told, again, by the empathetic nurse, that the results are negative.
Out in the carpark as she raised her face up to the sky, with tears in her eyes, she said, God, I still love You.
At that moment, tears filled my eyes too, as i thought, God, even if you took bernard home with you, away from me now, i still love You.
I've been putting it off, for goodness knows what reason. as if waiting for a suitable time when i'm ready to hear what God has to say.
And so, it is this. With seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our lives, we all need to be reminded of this truth - Nothing is impossible when God is on our side.
When He says it that many times, you know that He is serious about it.
I traded a night out of drinking, for a cosy night in of (snacking and) watching Facing the Giants (yeah Jo's vcd has been with me for like... months :P)
It is a very simple show, nothing fancy. and apparently made by a church. even the spectators at the football games were made up of church-goers.
What touched me the most was something that wasn't even the main event.
The coach's wife dearly loves kids, and have been longing for kids of their own. and when they learnt that they are not able to have kids, they were devastated. He went out into the garden to read God's word, and to pray. and then he said to his wife.. Will you still love Him if He doesn't give us children?
Very much later in the show, she went for a pregnancy test (for the third time) and was told, again, by the empathetic nurse, that the results are negative.
Out in the carpark as she raised her face up to the sky, with tears in her eyes, she said, God, I still love You.
At that moment, tears filled my eyes too, as i thought, God, even if you took bernard home with you, away from me now, i still love You.
I've been putting it off, for goodness knows what reason. as if waiting for a suitable time when i'm ready to hear what God has to say.
And so, it is this. With seemingly insurmountable obstacles in our lives, we all need to be reminded of this truth - Nothing is impossible when God is on our side.
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Our daily bread
During our weekly lunchtime fellowship today at work, someone mentioned "Our Daily Bread", a daily devotional series. He quoted from Psalm 46:10 "Be still, and know that I am God". I've heard of the Daily Bread but never went to read it. and so i thought, let's go see what it says.
And then i clicked onto April 30, 2009:
April 30, 2009
I Will Never Leave You
I am with you always, even to the end of the age. - Matthew 28:20
One of my earliest memories of hearing good music was when a male quartet rehearsed at our home. I was about 10 years old, and I was especially attentive to my dad, who sang first tenor. One of the quartet’s favorites was titled, "I Am With You." Even at that tender age, I not only appreciated the music but I "got the message."
Those words of Jesus to His disciples just before He ascended - "I am with you always" - became precious to me as the quartet sang, "In the sunlight, in the shadow, I am with you where you go."
One of the first references to God's unfailing presence was spoken by Moses in Deuteronomy 31:6-8, when he instructed his successor about leading God's people into the "land of promise." And Joshua himself heard the same word from the Lord, "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you" (Josh. 1:5).
That promise is repeated in the New Testament, where the writer of Hebrews gave this assurance: "He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'" (13:5).
Wherever you may be today, you are not alone. If you've placed your trust in Jesus for your eternal salvation, you can be certain that He will never leave you. - RBC Ministries
Jesus whispers "I am with you"
In the hour of deepest need;
When the way is dark and lonesome,
"I am with you, I will lead." - Morris
And then i clicked onto April 30, 2009:
April 30, 2009
I Will Never Leave You
I am with you always, even to the end of the age. - Matthew 28:20
One of my earliest memories of hearing good music was when a male quartet rehearsed at our home. I was about 10 years old, and I was especially attentive to my dad, who sang first tenor. One of the quartet’s favorites was titled, "I Am With You." Even at that tender age, I not only appreciated the music but I "got the message."
Those words of Jesus to His disciples just before He ascended - "I am with you always" - became precious to me as the quartet sang, "In the sunlight, in the shadow, I am with you where you go."
One of the first references to God's unfailing presence was spoken by Moses in Deuteronomy 31:6-8, when he instructed his successor about leading God's people into the "land of promise." And Joshua himself heard the same word from the Lord, "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you. I will not leave you nor forsake you" (Josh. 1:5).
That promise is repeated in the New Testament, where the writer of Hebrews gave this assurance: "He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you'" (13:5).
Wherever you may be today, you are not alone. If you've placed your trust in Jesus for your eternal salvation, you can be certain that He will never leave you. - RBC Ministries
In the hour of deepest need;
When the way is dark and lonesome,
"I am with you, I will lead." - Morris
Thursday, April 30, 2009
1096 days... When will I stop counting?
Do people try to attach too much meaning to anniversaries? If a person is important in our lives, we shouldn't need to wait till anniversaries to find out, right?
I admit a certain sadistic part of me tries to dwell abit... like, being sad for the sake of being sad -> oh wow... it's 3 years. how significant huh?? kinda thing.
then again, i guess it's okie... I remember meeting Janice soon after the accident. and that was 5 years after she lost her boyfriend to an accident. she tells me... yeah even till then, every February she still jolts awake from nightmares. cos February was his birthday and death anniversary and also Valentine's Day.
I didn't think much of what to do tomorrow (actually today now). things just happened. The girls were talking about celebrating our 5th year anniversary of friendship sometime in May. but for one reason or another, it was changed to 30 Apr. and i thot... how ironic, that we should be celebrating our friendship anniversary on this very day that i lost Bernard. but, thinking abit more, it's quite a good thing after all! to have my dearest galfrens around me, that means so much to me... they are the very ones who literally dragged me out of my depression. cos they decided that it's time to stop sitting around looking so tragic :P so, yes, in a way, it is a celebration in many ways.
And thanks to this party, i haven't had much time to be sad... heh. After work, i tried to shop for a meaningful gift for all the girls to commemorate this occasion though to no avail... then i had to go for my drums class. and since today Robinsons was having a private cardmember's sale till 10.30pm, i rushed over after drums to stock up on some stuffs. and by the time i got home, packed for tomorrow and settled down to write this, oh look it's so late already! no time to pine! tomorrow i'm staying over at Crystal's place after the party (a precautionary measure in case i drink too much n get all melodramatic.. ahh i plan so well...) so need to pack quite abit. and since it's a big night tomorrow, i mustn't cry tonight! or else my already-small eyes will just disappear! so, see, very sensible and logical and all.
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As i went through all our photos just now for this post, i realized how i have forgotten the feeling of being in love. (okie, we were quite egoistic and thot we looked so wonderfully gorgeous..hence the many self-portraits..) Photos after photos of us snuggling comfortably together, the radiance in our smiles that only the glow of love brings out... even without makeup and fancy clothes (most of them were taken in such slipshod getup!), i think i looked better then, compared to the polished photos of now.
The feeling of being in love... it struck me quite hard. As i have spent the past many months trying to convince myself that i can and might settle... that to be loved is much better than to love. But i couldn't. and these photos just reminded me that to love with all our hearts, to want to give so much of ourselves, to dearly wish the best for our better half... that is the best feeling in the world.
Through this whole experience, i have learnt much about and become closer to God and also my DG. now, i don't fear death like i used to (i always averted my gaze whenever i passed by a wake/cortege/casket house. i understand why as Christians we look forward to eternity (i used to wonder why i would want to live forever)... and it doesn't matter that in heaven, there is no husband-wife-parent-child kinda relationships - we are all brothers and sisters - i really look forward to seeing bernard again, seeing that beautiful smile. In the meantime, i am just praying and working hard at finding ways to share the gospel with my family so that we can all be together in eternity.
i do still slip... please pray for me to not give myself up to bitterness and indulgence. (and remember that drinking so much will pile on the kilos!!)
Crystal smsed me her prayer for me, which is very encouraging:
"Prayed tat God will draw u close to Him, guide u in all areas of ur life, live each day to the fullest & meaningfully and find joy in bringing His love to each person u meet everyday as best as u can. :-)"
I admit a certain sadistic part of me tries to dwell abit... like, being sad for the sake of being sad -> oh wow... it's 3 years. how significant huh?? kinda thing.
then again, i guess it's okie... I remember meeting Janice soon after the accident. and that was 5 years after she lost her boyfriend to an accident. she tells me... yeah even till then, every February she still jolts awake from nightmares. cos February was his birthday and death anniversary and also Valentine's Day.
I didn't think much of what to do tomorrow (actually today now). things just happened. The girls were talking about celebrating our 5th year anniversary of friendship sometime in May. but for one reason or another, it was changed to 30 Apr. and i thot... how ironic, that we should be celebrating our friendship anniversary on this very day that i lost Bernard. but, thinking abit more, it's quite a good thing after all! to have my dearest galfrens around me, that means so much to me... they are the very ones who literally dragged me out of my depression. cos they decided that it's time to stop sitting around looking so tragic :P so, yes, in a way, it is a celebration in many ways.
And thanks to this party, i haven't had much time to be sad... heh. After work, i tried to shop for a meaningful gift for all the girls to commemorate this occasion though to no avail... then i had to go for my drums class. and since today Robinsons was having a private cardmember's sale till 10.30pm, i rushed over after drums to stock up on some stuffs. and by the time i got home, packed for tomorrow and settled down to write this, oh look it's so late already! no time to pine! tomorrow i'm staying over at Crystal's place after the party (a precautionary measure in case i drink too much n get all melodramatic.. ahh i plan so well...) so need to pack quite abit. and since it's a big night tomorrow, i mustn't cry tonight! or else my already-small eyes will just disappear! so, see, very sensible and logical and all.
.jpg)
As i went through all our photos just now for this post, i realized how i have forgotten the feeling of being in love. (okie, we were quite egoistic and thot we looked so wonderfully gorgeous..hence the many self-portraits..) Photos after photos of us snuggling comfortably together, the radiance in our smiles that only the glow of love brings out... even without makeup and fancy clothes (most of them were taken in such slipshod getup!), i think i looked better then, compared to the polished photos of now.
The feeling of being in love... it struck me quite hard. As i have spent the past many months trying to convince myself that i can and might settle... that to be loved is much better than to love. But i couldn't. and these photos just reminded me that to love with all our hearts, to want to give so much of ourselves, to dearly wish the best for our better half... that is the best feeling in the world.
Through this whole experience, i have learnt much about and become closer to God and also my DG. now, i don't fear death like i used to (i always averted my gaze whenever i passed by a wake/cortege/casket house. i understand why as Christians we look forward to eternity (i used to wonder why i would want to live forever)... and it doesn't matter that in heaven, there is no husband-wife-parent-child kinda relationships - we are all brothers and sisters - i really look forward to seeing bernard again, seeing that beautiful smile. In the meantime, i am just praying and working hard at finding ways to share the gospel with my family so that we can all be together in eternity.
i do still slip... please pray for me to not give myself up to bitterness and indulgence. (and remember that drinking so much will pile on the kilos!!)
Crystal smsed me her prayer for me, which is very encouraging:
"Prayed tat God will draw u close to Him, guide u in all areas of ur life, live each day to the fullest & meaningfully and find joy in bringing His love to each person u meet everyday as best as u can. :-)"
Monday, April 13, 2009
Journeying with God
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
- Matt 11:28-30
I read this and was very touched by the simple message...
- Matt 11:28-30
I read this and was very touched by the simple message...
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Sunday, April 05, 2009
"All that pleases is but for a moment; All that troubles is but for a moment; That only is important which is eternal"
... were the words inscribed over the triple doorways of Milan Cathedral.
it was yet another moment of weakness.
not that i am trying to dwell on and be stuck in the past, but i guess there are times i need to have a quiet few moments remembering Bernard.
i prayed today that God will lift me up and fill my heart with cheer and love.. and i made a commitment to stop being self indulgent; but instead, to focus on others.
And i read this just now (in a book about using time wisely as Christians):
Well, the multiple negatives took me a while to digest.. but i think i roughly get the drift :)
i think, no matter how we justify ourselves, the scariest thing to me is that God knows our heart.
it was yet another moment of weakness.
not that i am trying to dwell on and be stuck in the past, but i guess there are times i need to have a quiet few moments remembering Bernard.
i prayed today that God will lift me up and fill my heart with cheer and love.. and i made a commitment to stop being self indulgent; but instead, to focus on others.
And i read this just now (in a book about using time wisely as Christians):
Spend your time in nothing which you know must be repented of; in nothing on which you might not pray for the blessing of God; in nothing which you could not review with a quiet conscience on your dying bed; in nothing which you might not safely and properly be found doing if death should surprise you in the act.
- Richard Baxter (1615-1691)
Well, the multiple negatives took me a while to digest.. but i think i roughly get the drift :)
i think, no matter how we justify ourselves, the scariest thing to me is that God knows our heart.
Thursday, April 02, 2009
1068 days... 就这样三年又过了我还是回到这个地方
...闭上眼等你的出现 空气中吻你的脸...
this is the closest i can get to watching someone who resembles Bernard...
it's been almost 3 years.
do i remember how he feels like in my arms?
do i still remember his smile?
sitting alone in our living room.. with a glass of wine. i have consciously avoided this song for the past 3 years...
童话 - 王光良
忘了有多久 再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局
all my friends have moved on in their lives, and i'm still here.
P.S. I love you...
in the movie, he said in a letter to her: "Life had changed as we knew it. See, i don't worry about you remembering me... it's that girl on the road you keep forgetting.."
and in his last letter to her:
"You can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me. How much you changed me. You made me a man by loving me, Holly..and for that, I'm eternally grateful. Literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure..or you lose complete faith..that you'll try and see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I? You made my life, Holly, but I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So, here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal when life as you know it ends. P.S., I will always love you."
this is the closest i can get to watching someone who resembles Bernard...
it's been almost 3 years.
do i remember how he feels like in my arms?
do i still remember his smile?
sitting alone in our living room.. with a glass of wine. i have consciously avoided this song for the past 3 years...
童话 - 王光良
忘了有多久 再没听到你
对我说你最爱的故事
我想了很久 我开始慌了
是不是我又做错了什么
你哭着对我说 童话里都是骗人的
我不可能是你的王子
也许你不会懂 从你说爱我以后
我的天空 星星都亮了
我愿变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我要变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
我会变成童话里 你爱的那个天使
张开双手变成翅膀守护你
你要相信 相信我们会像童话故事里
幸福和快乐是结局
一起写我们的结局
all my friends have moved on in their lives, and i'm still here.
P.S. I love you...
in the movie, he said in a letter to her: "Life had changed as we knew it. See, i don't worry about you remembering me... it's that girl on the road you keep forgetting.."
and in his last letter to her:
"You can take care of yourself without any help from me. It's to tell you how much you move me. How much you changed me. You made me a man by loving me, Holly..and for that, I'm eternally grateful. Literally. If you can promise me anything, promise me that whenever you're sad, or unsure..or you lose complete faith..that you'll try and see yourself through my eyes. Thank you for the honor of being my wife. I'm a man with no regrets. How lucky am I? You made my life, Holly, but I'm just one chapter in yours. There'll be more. I promise. So, here it comes, the big one. Don't be afraid to fall in love again. Watch out for that signal when life as you know it ends. P.S., I will always love you."
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairytale...
As my memory disappears, my soul will disappear too..
A Moment to Remember - the DVD that Bernard bought me.
I wanted to be alone. and so i went home and had one too many beers. and put on movies that aren't exactly very helpful - My Sassy Girl, and A Moment to Remember.
Is the feeling of losing someone, like the feeling of being forgotten?
The last part, her letter to him, is heart-breaking.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I never meant to break your heart. God, what have I done? Are you crying now? I don't want to see you crying or in pain. I wanted to make you happy. But all I've done is put you in agony.
Don't get me wrong. I love you and only you. I only think of you. I only remember you. How badly do I wish to show you my heart. Is there any way I can do that while my memory remains?
Oh my heart races. I love you dearly. I don't want to forget that. and I must not.
Can you see that? Can you feel my heart? I'm afraid my just-returned memory will leave me again... before I tell you everything I have to say. I love you. and I'm sorry. I met you because I was forgetful. and now I'm leaving you because I'm forgetful.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me. How thankful I am to God for having sent you as a gift to me. I don't have to remember you. You are a part of me. I smile, laugh, and smell like you do. I might forget you, but nothing can drive you out of my body. Although you have never told me you loved me, I know deep in my heart that you love me. Forgive me for leaving you. Please.
The lyrics of the song:
Can I ask you this
When the memory calls
I can talk about our love story
All over again
You watching me asleep
And you in my dream
Will never fade away
A moment to remember forever
You're turning away
I can't hide my tears
I couldn't say I love you
I yearn for that time I had with you
My beloved memory
cannot be erased
Monday, February 16, 2009
Vicious cycle
sheesh... i wonder why i do these kinda stuffs to myself... as if my eyes aren't small enuff :P
for some reason i've yet to discover, i had a sudden impulse to watch the video i made of bernard and me again...
and for a good 10mins, i was alternating between crying my eyes out n laughing thru the tears. why laugh, i dunno also. at certain moments in the video, i felt so happy just watching bernard laugh. watching him pull silly faces, jumping off the plane, or just holding me in the crook of his arm.
now, i kinda like someone (erms again? nothing ever seems to come outta these crushes anyways) and i'm starting to think there's a self-destructive tendency in me leh.
crush -> girly excited -> uncertain -> miss bernard -> no more crush
i noe it's very bad, cos i'm hiding in the safety of my memory of bernard... a place that i know i am loved with all his heart, where there's no uncertainty, no games, no need to guess.
for some reason i've yet to discover, i had a sudden impulse to watch the video i made of bernard and me again...
and for a good 10mins, i was alternating between crying my eyes out n laughing thru the tears. why laugh, i dunno also. at certain moments in the video, i felt so happy just watching bernard laugh. watching him pull silly faces, jumping off the plane, or just holding me in the crook of his arm.
now, i kinda like someone (erms again? nothing ever seems to come outta these crushes anyways) and i'm starting to think there's a self-destructive tendency in me leh.
crush -> girly excited -> uncertain -> miss bernard -> no more crush
i noe it's very bad, cos i'm hiding in the safety of my memory of bernard... a place that i know i am loved with all his heart, where there's no uncertainty, no games, no need to guess.
Sunday, February 08, 2009
We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?
This phrase struck me deeply while i was watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button today. I hope i will never have to lose someone again to know how important they are to me. After working 2 nights on my testimony sharing for the retreat, i thank God that one of the ways He's changed me is to be more aware and appreciative of my loved ones.
Btw, the testimony went ok. I was a little nervous though... and quite easily distracted by little bits of activity and movements. Surprising, cos i thot i had gone thru enuff grinding n polishing of presentation skills during Uni days :P To me, it felt slightly mechanical and choppy (happens when i have notes in front of me). Maybe cos it's something very personal, maybe i was very conscious of maintaining my composure and a light tone, or maybe both. But in any case, i hope i got the message across and that it was clear and encouraging. Thank God for a wonderful retreat :)
As for the movie, here's some other quotes i like:
Benjamin Button: Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.
Benjamin Button: It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.
Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Captain Mike: You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
Btw, the testimony went ok. I was a little nervous though... and quite easily distracted by little bits of activity and movements. Surprising, cos i thot i had gone thru enuff grinding n polishing of presentation skills during Uni days :P To me, it felt slightly mechanical and choppy (happens when i have notes in front of me). Maybe cos it's something very personal, maybe i was very conscious of maintaining my composure and a light tone, or maybe both. But in any case, i hope i got the message across and that it was clear and encouraging. Thank God for a wonderful retreat :)
As for the movie, here's some other quotes i like:
Benjamin Button: Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.
Benjamin Button: It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.
Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Captain Mike: You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
My testimony
For the first time, after i have long numbed myself and closed the lid to that box of pain, i am being challenged to take a glance back and consolidate the lessons.
For our DG retreat this weekend, i am asked to share my testimony. In general, how i came to Christ. But i've decided, after sitting thru numerous baptism testimonies, to share something different, something more personal.
I decided to share my testimony about Bernard.
When i was going through counselling, i had thought about this before (i read one such testimony in the church bulletin and was worried the counsellor would make me do the same after "graduation"!) Well he didn't, and since then, it's been a long time and i had forgotten much of what i felt and thought.
So, i dug out that testimony that Dr. Terence Tan wrote. And several books that i had read and scribbled in. And my journals. I really thank Pearl (my ex-boss) for encouraging me to write everything down in a journal, for i will forget. How will i ever forget such pain?? i thought then. But she was absolutely right. The vague memory of several years ago in my mind would never have been able to capture the precise and brutally honest words within my scribblings.
The challenge now, for me, is to put together not too long a testimony, about what i went thru, and how God has carried me thru just as He promised, and transformed my life as a result. The difficulty is to not dwell too much on the pain or to glorify myself that i have survived such a tragedy. I have always been conscious not to give the impression of belittling others' problems in comparison to the "magnitude" of mine.
I am still working on it, and i pray that it will be a loving and encouraging testimony that glorifies God.
For our DG retreat this weekend, i am asked to share my testimony. In general, how i came to Christ. But i've decided, after sitting thru numerous baptism testimonies, to share something different, something more personal.
I decided to share my testimony about Bernard.
When i was going through counselling, i had thought about this before (i read one such testimony in the church bulletin and was worried the counsellor would make me do the same after "graduation"!) Well he didn't, and since then, it's been a long time and i had forgotten much of what i felt and thought.
So, i dug out that testimony that Dr. Terence Tan wrote. And several books that i had read and scribbled in. And my journals. I really thank Pearl (my ex-boss) for encouraging me to write everything down in a journal, for i will forget. How will i ever forget such pain?? i thought then. But she was absolutely right. The vague memory of several years ago in my mind would never have been able to capture the precise and brutally honest words within my scribblings.
The challenge now, for me, is to put together not too long a testimony, about what i went thru, and how God has carried me thru just as He promised, and transformed my life as a result. The difficulty is to not dwell too much on the pain or to glorify myself that i have survived such a tragedy. I have always been conscious not to give the impression of belittling others' problems in comparison to the "magnitude" of mine.
I am still working on it, and i pray that it will be a loving and encouraging testimony that glorifies God.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Strange dreams
i had a strange dream last nite. perhaps it's a mish-mash of reactions and fears.
two nights ago, i dreamt abt my crush.
last night, i dreamt a very vivid dream abt KW (its been a really long time since i remembered any dreams).
[oh but before that dream abt KW, there was some long drama abt being under seige, evacuating, escaping, sneaking back home to hunt for liang2 shi2 (food supplies) and clothes, etc.]
and anyways dat dream was weird, cos apparently for KW (note: ex-bf), it was still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. we went out for meals, and he'd be slightly late and i'm waiting. then he told me he purposely made me wait to see my reaction towards tardiness. and i explained to him that reactions can be controlled. like, i'd take the time to reply smses, read stuff, etc and time will pass and i won't notice. but if i chose to stare at the seconds and minutes passing, i'd be irritated and the meal wld be spoilt (totally random i noe).
so then, we went to some secluded village to walk walk. he told me to wait there while he went to check something out. night fell and he's still not back. i circled the village looking for him, and found a ranger. he saw KW's picture, and told me he saw someone that looked like him, pointing towards a very dark cluster of forest. He'll bring me to see if its him. my heart turned cold... i was scared that something had happened to him, and also worried the ranger wld harm me. my gloves was sitting on the bench, and (this is silly) i pointed one finger of the gloves towards the direction. and then... Ah Long called me to say they were coming by to pick me up for brunch.
*phew!*
two nights ago, i dreamt abt my crush.
last night, i dreamt a very vivid dream abt KW (its been a really long time since i remembered any dreams).
[oh but before that dream abt KW, there was some long drama abt being under seige, evacuating, escaping, sneaking back home to hunt for liang2 shi2 (food supplies) and clothes, etc.]
and anyways dat dream was weird, cos apparently for KW (note: ex-bf), it was still in the getting-to-know-each-other stage. we went out for meals, and he'd be slightly late and i'm waiting. then he told me he purposely made me wait to see my reaction towards tardiness. and i explained to him that reactions can be controlled. like, i'd take the time to reply smses, read stuff, etc and time will pass and i won't notice. but if i chose to stare at the seconds and minutes passing, i'd be irritated and the meal wld be spoilt (totally random i noe).
so then, we went to some secluded village to walk walk. he told me to wait there while he went to check something out. night fell and he's still not back. i circled the village looking for him, and found a ranger. he saw KW's picture, and told me he saw someone that looked like him, pointing towards a very dark cluster of forest. He'll bring me to see if its him. my heart turned cold... i was scared that something had happened to him, and also worried the ranger wld harm me. my gloves was sitting on the bench, and (this is silly) i pointed one finger of the gloves towards the direction. and then... Ah Long called me to say they were coming by to pick me up for brunch.
*phew!*
Monday, January 05, 2009
2009 : To be closer to God
This morning i was juz remembering all those days i'd prayed for His peace and comfort to ease the loneliness in my heart every every day... for months n years.
and He did so.
No matter what happens, God is the only constant, the only forever dependable and loving God, always there... isn't that very assuring?
and He did so.
No matter what happens, God is the only constant, the only forever dependable and loving God, always there... isn't that very assuring?
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Every new day is a blessing from God
Happie New Year to everybody :)
Thank you for all your encouraging comments over the past 2+ years...
The sermon during Watchnite service last nite was titled "Let's Go and Press On", from Philippians 3. I think it can also be "Let Go and Press On" (so clever hor)
Veri apt, i felt. 2008 has been a tough year for most. Beyond the past year, i'm sure most of us also have regrets, guilt, sorrow hidden in our hearts (like me :P) Even past glory can cause us to live in the past and feel low about the present.
Many a times i catch myself dwelling in the past... when things look bleak, my mind flashes back to happy times in the past with Bernard... and a mixture of bittersweet happiness n sorrow washes over me. sort of like a.. "at least i experienced such happiness n love so i can draw upon them and then do without them for the rest of my life"
However, clinging on to the past is effectively shutting off what God wants for us in the present and future. What we need to do is to trust in Him, so that we can move on, press on now and into the future.
I was at the new National Geographic store at Vivo today; intrigued by all the photographs on display... and came across a book abt lost boys of Sudan. A phrase on the blurb caught my eye - Every new day is a gift from God.
I have been thinking... oh 2009 does feel slightly scary, what with all those gloom n doom images painted by the news... what is there to look forward to? And then it struck me - no matter how common/cliche this phrase is, how true it is! If we focus on this fact, we will then be able to shift our focus from how life can seem unfair, tiring, etc, and instead give thanks for the blessings in our lives.
Thank God for all the frens and the body of Christ that He has surrounded me with... I hope and pray that i can continue to journey closely with God, and serve Him in little ways.
Thank you for all your encouraging comments over the past 2+ years...
The sermon during Watchnite service last nite was titled "Let's Go and Press On", from Philippians 3. I think it can also be "Let Go and Press On" (so clever hor)
Veri apt, i felt. 2008 has been a tough year for most. Beyond the past year, i'm sure most of us also have regrets, guilt, sorrow hidden in our hearts (like me :P) Even past glory can cause us to live in the past and feel low about the present.
Many a times i catch myself dwelling in the past... when things look bleak, my mind flashes back to happy times in the past with Bernard... and a mixture of bittersweet happiness n sorrow washes over me. sort of like a.. "at least i experienced such happiness n love so i can draw upon them and then do without them for the rest of my life"
However, clinging on to the past is effectively shutting off what God wants for us in the present and future. What we need to do is to trust in Him, so that we can move on, press on now and into the future.
I was at the new National Geographic store at Vivo today; intrigued by all the photographs on display... and came across a book abt lost boys of Sudan. A phrase on the blurb caught my eye - Every new day is a gift from God.
I have been thinking... oh 2009 does feel slightly scary, what with all those gloom n doom images painted by the news... what is there to look forward to? And then it struck me - no matter how common/cliche this phrase is, how true it is! If we focus on this fact, we will then be able to shift our focus from how life can seem unfair, tiring, etc, and instead give thanks for the blessings in our lives.
Thank God for all the frens and the body of Christ that He has surrounded me with... I hope and pray that i can continue to journey closely with God, and serve Him in little ways.
Sunday, December 07, 2008
Finishing the race
sorrie for such a depressing post the last time. dat was a realli low point~
but... we all stumble n fall n fail in life... its all about whether n how we pick ourselves up and go on dat defines us, and reveals our character n tenacity :)
so anyways... i ran the Stanchart half marathon today!!! for the first time woh!
proud to announce i completed it.. n quite well i thot!
~ ~ ~
To my dearest Bernard...
u will probably never know... how much you inspire me to go on...
(i din train for this) When it was veri painful, i held on to the image of ur cheeky grin n merry eyes.. remembering how we trained together, how u ran after me when i pretended to be all nonchalent (shy leh), how u took care of me when i had stitches. how encouraging n optimistic u always are.
if onli u know.
(well... actually to be veri honest, my mind kinda blanked out after about 16km le :P)
but... we all stumble n fall n fail in life... its all about whether n how we pick ourselves up and go on dat defines us, and reveals our character n tenacity :)
so anyways... i ran the Stanchart half marathon today!!! for the first time woh!
proud to announce i completed it.. n quite well i thot!
~ ~ ~
To my dearest Bernard...
u will probably never know... how much you inspire me to go on...
(i din train for this) When it was veri painful, i held on to the image of ur cheeky grin n merry eyes.. remembering how we trained together, how u ran after me when i pretended to be all nonchalent (shy leh), how u took care of me when i had stitches. how encouraging n optimistic u always are.
if onli u know.
(well... actually to be veri honest, my mind kinda blanked out after about 16km le :P)
Friday, November 07, 2008
It sucks to be me! :P
(Ave Q is hilarious...)
anyways.
i'm starting to think i'm never gonna be able to move on.
or mabbe, like kris says, its (again) the end of the year, its Christmas soon... perhaps its also the past 3mths of exhausting 14-hr, meaningless, stressful days at work... that is wearing me down. and so, i've been missing bernard all over again.
tong hua is an all-time fave at karaoke. it is also one of two songs i still cant bear to hear (the other being Amazing Grace).
last weekend i was out with some colleagues and getting bored (i can't sing for nuts) so went out to walk walk by myself. the moment i stepped back in, the song started playing.. and i busied myself texting kris n ivan furiously so dat i dun have to look at the screen. i went home n cried my eyes out.
today i watched Ave Q... n the main lead really reminds me of bernard. his eyes... i was just staring at him almost the whole time n seeing bernard (third row offers a really good view! but i was really disturbed :P)
i've been going out with a guy... things r okie, he's amazingly good to me. and he's just patiently waiting till i'm ready. but there will always be a barrier that i can never manage to cross. its like my heart's having some sinus problem. blocked le.
both days above, he saw me.. so distant n cold n quiet.
how do i let a guy into my heart when it is still yearning for another? how wld he feel?
so, all in all, i have been so desperately wanting to escape reality that (besides contemplating how tempting it is to perhaps accidentally die), i signed up for GMAT and started applications for B-school (and not dat i hv the money woh). kinda drastic n irrational huh... but this is a weak moment. i'm tired.. n i wanna leave it all behind.
how? i dunno wat to do.
anyways.
i'm starting to think i'm never gonna be able to move on.
or mabbe, like kris says, its (again) the end of the year, its Christmas soon... perhaps its also the past 3mths of exhausting 14-hr, meaningless, stressful days at work... that is wearing me down. and so, i've been missing bernard all over again.
tong hua is an all-time fave at karaoke. it is also one of two songs i still cant bear to hear (the other being Amazing Grace).
last weekend i was out with some colleagues and getting bored (i can't sing for nuts) so went out to walk walk by myself. the moment i stepped back in, the song started playing.. and i busied myself texting kris n ivan furiously so dat i dun have to look at the screen. i went home n cried my eyes out.
today i watched Ave Q... n the main lead really reminds me of bernard. his eyes... i was just staring at him almost the whole time n seeing bernard (third row offers a really good view! but i was really disturbed :P)
i've been going out with a guy... things r okie, he's amazingly good to me. and he's just patiently waiting till i'm ready. but there will always be a barrier that i can never manage to cross. its like my heart's having some sinus problem. blocked le.
both days above, he saw me.. so distant n cold n quiet.
how do i let a guy into my heart when it is still yearning for another? how wld he feel?
so, all in all, i have been so desperately wanting to escape reality that (besides contemplating how tempting it is to perhaps accidentally die), i signed up for GMAT and started applications for B-school (and not dat i hv the money woh). kinda drastic n irrational huh... but this is a weak moment. i'm tired.. n i wanna leave it all behind.
how? i dunno wat to do.
Monday, August 11, 2008
834 days... Bye bye...
And you never got the chance to see how good I've done
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like..
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye
- Mariah Carey ~Bye Bye~ E=MC2
And you never got to see me back at number one
I wish that you were here to celebrate together
I wish that we could spend the holidays together
I remember when you used to tuck me in at night
With the teddy bear you gave me that I held so tight
I thought you were so strong
You'd make it through whatever
It's so hard to accept the fact you're gone forever
I never knew I could hurt like this
And everyday life goes on like..
"I wish I could talk to you for awhile"
"I wish I could find a way try not to cry"
As time goes by
And soon as you reach a better place
Still I'll give the whole world to see your face
And I'm right here next to you
It feels like you're gone too soon
The hardest thing to do is say bye bye
- Mariah Carey ~Bye Bye~ E=MC2
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Life gems
i read with great interest this article in TODAY (11 July 08):
Swiss company can turn ashes of loved ones into sparkling mementos
CHUR (Switzerland) — At the end of their days, many people end up buried, in flames, frozen, or mummified. But, some lucky ones are spending eternity as sparkling diamonds, thanks to a peculiar chemical transformation.
For a fee, a Swiss company called Algordanza offers a service to turn ashes into precious stones. It gets 40 to 50 commissions a month, some from as far away as Japan. One came from secretary Lilly Hess-Sollberger, who saw an article about the service and made her daughter promise to call Algordanza when she died. Ms Hess-Sollberger died three years ago at age 82 and her ashes are now a half-carat blue diamond pendant that adorns her daughter's neck.
Mr Rinaldo Willy, 28, one of two co-founders of Algordanza, said the commissions come from "all kinds of people — from bus drivers to :philosophy professors".
At the firm’s laboratory, about 15 machines run non-stop alongside employees wearing plastic protective glasses who work behind a yellow-and-black line that visitors are not allowed to cross out of respect for the dead.
"Five hundred grammes of ashes is enough to make a diamond, and a human body leaves behind on average 2.5 to 3kg of ashes," said Mr Willy.
Potassium and calcium — 85 per cent of the ashes — are first separated from the carbon. The carbon is then subjected to high pressure and heat, a process which compresses it into graphite. More pressure and heat are applied to the graphite to turn it into diamonds.
The entire process takes six to eight weeks, barely a fraction of the time it takes for the formation of natural diamonds, which takes thousands of years. When the process is complete, the crude diamond still requires polishing and cutting. Many are cut into heart-shaped stones which can be worn as a pendant, or mounted on a ring.
"Each diamond is unique — the colour varies from dark blue to almost white," said Mr Willy. "It’s a reflection of the personality." The whole process costs between 4,500 ($5,946) and 17,000 Swiss francs, depending on the weight of the resulting stone (from 0.25 to 1 carat), and does not include the setting of the stone.
* * *
for one crazy moment, it actually crossed my mind... what an interesting idea this is... *ponders*
Until i read on...
* * *
Not all agree with the process. An undertaker in Geneva said he has never received a request to transform ashes into a "life gem", as some call the stones, and has no plans to offer the service. "It’s not in line with our ethics of burial and remembrance," he said. "To wear your loved one as a ring and carry it with you everywhere prevents you from distancing yourself, and thereby recovering from, the loss." AFP
Swiss company can turn ashes of loved ones into sparkling mementos
CHUR (Switzerland) — At the end of their days, many people end up buried, in flames, frozen, or mummified. But, some lucky ones are spending eternity as sparkling diamonds, thanks to a peculiar chemical transformation.
For a fee, a Swiss company called Algordanza offers a service to turn ashes into precious stones. It gets 40 to 50 commissions a month, some from as far away as Japan. One came from secretary Lilly Hess-Sollberger, who saw an article about the service and made her daughter promise to call Algordanza when she died. Ms Hess-Sollberger died three years ago at age 82 and her ashes are now a half-carat blue diamond pendant that adorns her daughter's neck.
Mr Rinaldo Willy, 28, one of two co-founders of Algordanza, said the commissions come from "all kinds of people — from bus drivers to :philosophy professors".
At the firm’s laboratory, about 15 machines run non-stop alongside employees wearing plastic protective glasses who work behind a yellow-and-black line that visitors are not allowed to cross out of respect for the dead.
"Five hundred grammes of ashes is enough to make a diamond, and a human body leaves behind on average 2.5 to 3kg of ashes," said Mr Willy.
Potassium and calcium — 85 per cent of the ashes — are first separated from the carbon. The carbon is then subjected to high pressure and heat, a process which compresses it into graphite. More pressure and heat are applied to the graphite to turn it into diamonds.
The entire process takes six to eight weeks, barely a fraction of the time it takes for the formation of natural diamonds, which takes thousands of years. When the process is complete, the crude diamond still requires polishing and cutting. Many are cut into heart-shaped stones which can be worn as a pendant, or mounted on a ring.
"Each diamond is unique — the colour varies from dark blue to almost white," said Mr Willy. "It’s a reflection of the personality." The whole process costs between 4,500 ($5,946) and 17,000 Swiss francs, depending on the weight of the resulting stone (from 0.25 to 1 carat), and does not include the setting of the stone.
for one crazy moment, it actually crossed my mind... what an interesting idea this is... *ponders*
Until i read on...
Not all agree with the process. An undertaker in Geneva said he has never received a request to transform ashes into a "life gem", as some call the stones, and has no plans to offer the service. "It’s not in line with our ethics of burial and remembrance," he said. "To wear your loved one as a ring and carry it with you everywhere prevents you from distancing yourself, and thereby recovering from, the loss." AFP
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