Part 3: Moving on with...

... the house!

it is expected to TOP in Dec 07! which is really soon! :D and to think i was really starting to lost hope... :,)
(the committed TOP is actually May 09)

went out with my sis today, and was pondering out loud how i am gonna manage two moves within a few months - cos my family is moving house in Dec 07/Jan 08 and i will move out once my place is ready, which i have no idea when. the developers and contractors were unable to give anything definite when i called to check some time ago.

so my sis said, why don't u ask someone? and i thot, ya maybe i shud call the lawyers again today. and so i did.

the lawyer said, oh incidentally we received a notice from the developers just today and need you to come sign some documents.

since i'm in the area, i went today. the developer had drawn down the last "column" before the TOP column!!! (see previous post "One more column!") AND together with the payment schedule was a letter that said, the expected TOP will be in or around December 2007!!!

it is in sight! finally and truly!

i had told Kris, rather sadly, that the best birthday present i wish to have is the keys to my place. convinced that it will not happen.

and now it might! well, at least i have a rough indication :o)

i immediately texted a few frens... that today is the happiest day in the past year and a half :)

Part 2: Letting go of...

A year and seven months past...

Finally, somewhere along the way (i'm not exactly sure when), i've become ok with letting people know without fear... fear of people seeing me differently, fear of being the subject of pity.

i guess at some point along the way, i have finally learnt to let go. let go of the pain, the guilt, the fear, the knots in my heart. people have told me from the start that one day i will wake up and realize that it doesn't hurt as much anymore, and obviously i couldn't imagine.

and this morning, i finally threw away the bouquet of rocher chocolates that bernard had given to me when he proposed. realizing that keeping tangible items is not symbolic of keeping him in my heart.

Part 1: Holding on to...

I read Hanglu's blog, and this struck me, "What is beautiful and blooming today will inevitably become a wilting flower tomorrow." It's true... life is transient. it reminds me of the song "Who Am I" by Casting Crowns.

Last night i tossed and turned, thinking of job, house, frens, life, what to wear tomorrow... heh :P

My room is in quite a mess, lots of stuff dumped in one corner or another. Actually i dunno where to put them cos to me these are waiting to be moved to my new house. Not that i am packing already (too early!) but i seem to have been collecting alot of stuff in anticipation of moving! And not to mention, not enough wardrobe space now :P

Bernard and i bought stuff here and there. we said we'd buy one art piece and one magnet from every country we travel to. and since then, i have continued doing this. Except for my recent trip to KL. i don't really want to remember KL.

I wondered, when people leave us, and there is nothing tangible to hold on to anymore, do we try to find substitutes?

I had obsessively collected, organized and kept memorabilia: photos represent our memories.. smses and emails represent his words.. perfume bottles represent his scent.. clothes represent his style..

It's silly, but sometimes i'd look back thru my palm schedule or smses to check... hmm so what did we do, what did he say to me this day 1, 2 years ago?

I burnt all the emails he had sent me into a cd. but i never did load them into my laptop again. will the cd spoil? should i print them all out? will i ever load the cd and open and read all the emails again? what is the symbolism of keeping the cd then? does it make a difference?