sheesh... i wonder why i do these kinda stuffs to myself... as if my eyes aren't small enuff :P
for some reason i've yet to discover, i had a sudden impulse to watch the video i made of bernard and me again...
and for a good 10mins, i was alternating between crying my eyes out n laughing thru the tears. why laugh, i dunno also. at certain moments in the video, i felt so happy just watching bernard laugh. watching him pull silly faces, jumping off the plane, or just holding me in the crook of his arm.
now, i kinda like someone (erms again? nothing ever seems to come outta these crushes anyways) and i'm starting to think there's a self-destructive tendency in me leh.
crush -> girly excited -> uncertain -> miss bernard -> no more crush
i noe it's very bad, cos i'm hiding in the safety of my memory of bernard... a place that i know i am loved with all his heart, where there's no uncertainty, no games, no need to guess.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Sunday, February 08, 2009
We're meant to lose the people we love. How else would we know how important they are to us?
This phrase struck me deeply while i was watching The Curious Case of Benjamin Button today. I hope i will never have to lose someone again to know how important they are to me. After working 2 nights on my testimony sharing for the retreat, i thank God that one of the ways He's changed me is to be more aware and appreciative of my loved ones.
Btw, the testimony went ok. I was a little nervous though... and quite easily distracted by little bits of activity and movements. Surprising, cos i thot i had gone thru enuff grinding n polishing of presentation skills during Uni days :P To me, it felt slightly mechanical and choppy (happens when i have notes in front of me). Maybe cos it's something very personal, maybe i was very conscious of maintaining my composure and a light tone, or maybe both. But in any case, i hope i got the message across and that it was clear and encouraging. Thank God for a wonderful retreat :)
As for the movie, here's some other quotes i like:
Benjamin Button: Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.
Benjamin Button: It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.
Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Captain Mike: You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
Btw, the testimony went ok. I was a little nervous though... and quite easily distracted by little bits of activity and movements. Surprising, cos i thot i had gone thru enuff grinding n polishing of presentation skills during Uni days :P To me, it felt slightly mechanical and choppy (happens when i have notes in front of me). Maybe cos it's something very personal, maybe i was very conscious of maintaining my composure and a light tone, or maybe both. But in any case, i hope i got the message across and that it was clear and encouraging. Thank God for a wonderful retreat :)
As for the movie, here's some other quotes i like:
Benjamin Button: Your life is defined by its opportunities... even the ones you miss.
Benjamin Button: It's a funny thing about comin' home. Looks the same, smells the same, feels the same. You'll realize what's changed is you.
Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]
For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.
Captain Mike: You can be as mad as a mad dog at the way things went. You could swear, curse the fates, but when it comes to the end, you have to let go.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
My testimony
For the first time, after i have long numbed myself and closed the lid to that box of pain, i am being challenged to take a glance back and consolidate the lessons.
For our DG retreat this weekend, i am asked to share my testimony. In general, how i came to Christ. But i've decided, after sitting thru numerous baptism testimonies, to share something different, something more personal.
I decided to share my testimony about Bernard.
When i was going through counselling, i had thought about this before (i read one such testimony in the church bulletin and was worried the counsellor would make me do the same after "graduation"!) Well he didn't, and since then, it's been a long time and i had forgotten much of what i felt and thought.
So, i dug out that testimony that Dr. Terence Tan wrote. And several books that i had read and scribbled in. And my journals. I really thank Pearl (my ex-boss) for encouraging me to write everything down in a journal, for i will forget. How will i ever forget such pain?? i thought then. But she was absolutely right. The vague memory of several years ago in my mind would never have been able to capture the precise and brutally honest words within my scribblings.
The challenge now, for me, is to put together not too long a testimony, about what i went thru, and how God has carried me thru just as He promised, and transformed my life as a result. The difficulty is to not dwell too much on the pain or to glorify myself that i have survived such a tragedy. I have always been conscious not to give the impression of belittling others' problems in comparison to the "magnitude" of mine.
I am still working on it, and i pray that it will be a loving and encouraging testimony that glorifies God.
For our DG retreat this weekend, i am asked to share my testimony. In general, how i came to Christ. But i've decided, after sitting thru numerous baptism testimonies, to share something different, something more personal.
I decided to share my testimony about Bernard.
When i was going through counselling, i had thought about this before (i read one such testimony in the church bulletin and was worried the counsellor would make me do the same after "graduation"!) Well he didn't, and since then, it's been a long time and i had forgotten much of what i felt and thought.
So, i dug out that testimony that Dr. Terence Tan wrote. And several books that i had read and scribbled in. And my journals. I really thank Pearl (my ex-boss) for encouraging me to write everything down in a journal, for i will forget. How will i ever forget such pain?? i thought then. But she was absolutely right. The vague memory of several years ago in my mind would never have been able to capture the precise and brutally honest words within my scribblings.
The challenge now, for me, is to put together not too long a testimony, about what i went thru, and how God has carried me thru just as He promised, and transformed my life as a result. The difficulty is to not dwell too much on the pain or to glorify myself that i have survived such a tragedy. I have always been conscious not to give the impression of belittling others' problems in comparison to the "magnitude" of mine.
I am still working on it, and i pray that it will be a loving and encouraging testimony that glorifies God.
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