Channel 5 had a travel feature on New Zealand tonight. i couldn't rush back in time to watch. but... just as well i missed it... it's probably gonna make me sad...
The movie, PS I Love You, seems to have affected me more deeply than i expected. since then, everything seems to have been going downhill. or maybe it's just bad timing.. to stir up those buried feelings. and last weekend i stayed home n watched My Sassy Girl. even that small part abt the letters at the end made me cry.
Work has been punishing. finances are looking kinda scary. renovations and errands for the house are taking up a lot of time n effort. day after day i'm rushing from one place to another, and not sleeping or eating well. i thot i'm more stable now, but i'm starting to miss bernard again, feel empty again... more n more. the journey is a lonely one, the pressure is getting to me. i'm tired, and i wish he's here to hold me.
i keep a lot of things, things of sentimental value. and when i lose things, i get very upset. but ever since i lost bernard, i've reacted to disappointments and losing things with a sense of quiet resignation. sometime mid-Jan, my phone suddenly spoilt. that means all the photos, videos, smses from bernard are gone. all my contacts are gone. i did back up smses from him, fortunately... and last week, my 7-year old palm decided to erase itself. this is really sad... cos i like to remember when things happen, and my memory's not too good :P 7 years worth of memories... and when i synched it with my computer, well, it erased the records on my palm desktop as well...
Crystal told me many times... all the times she's lost so many things of sentimental value, have taught her to let go. well... maybe it's time for me to learn to stop obsessing abt the past... and at the very least it taught me not to trust technology :P I'm getting myself a little (paper) notebook instead!
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