The hardest thing

i looked into the mirror, and with a tinge of horror, observed that i had aged a lot over the past year.

well, not really horrified abt the aging bit (it happens...), but was suddenly struck by the painful thought that i will be growing old... without bernard.

as the days, months, years pass me by, i will only have a memory of this young man to hold dearly; i will never know how we will look like, how we might share hopes n look forward to realizing our dreams, experience trials n challenges, reminisce about the past, and how we will love each other growing old together.

One of the hardest things about losing someone is that eventually everything on the outside returns to normal, while on the inside you hardly feel the same again. A lot of people probably feel better, and think it's better for me, not to mention it. There are of cos, people who think that one gets over a death like getting over a breakup. But there are those people who acknowledge it with me, and that gives me the most comfort.

It is a lonely journey. I can't ever make sense of it. But even so, I will remember to give thanks to God for seeing me through every day, and for surrounding me with many people who care. And perhaps one day..., one day I will look back on this season of my life and give thanks to God for moulding me this way.