leia's journey : In a better place

Hanglu's blog is restricted, so i'll post what she wrote about us here...

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In a better place

It's been a long week... so much has happened.. I stood next to Grace.. and saw how many times her world came crumbing down and how she picked up all the pieces and with such strength built them back together.. All the memories of Bernard I saw.. mostly from Grace, but some from Raymond n Xianghe (2nd brother n sis-in-law), Melvin, Lynn n Audrey (oldest brother n sis-in-law n their kid)... Even from his parents, n grace's parents too..

At times I wonder.. why? why does this all have to happen.. in those times i feel myself desperately reaching out to hold on to something.. something i know i cannot hold on to - time and him. If even I feel so, how does Grace feel? I cannot even begin to comprehend.. Yet Grace.. even in her lowest moment.. said this to me, "hang, i hope u never have to understand how this feels like". Adversity makes the best of mankind.. But Grace.. even at her lowest most painful times showed me her beauty.

So many times I hugged her and cried.. not knowing what else I could do...
when I first saw her on wednesday, she was staring at his coffin and watching them unwrap the packaging and setting up the area... She said... they pasted on the box, "fragile, this way up". Like he was an object she said. When I first saw him he was paler.. not much make up after embalming.. I thought that looked more natural...

And those times I saw Grace looking down at him with such longing and loving eyes. I saw her lingering around his coffin, touching its edges at her fingertips n speaking silently to him... Telling him she had brought him safely home, that they will meet again in heaven, that he didn't have to wait for long for one day in heaven was a year in earth. Those times I saw her... I almost cry everytime..

It was the perfect love story.. the things she told me that I can't and won't repeat here. The perfect holiday, the perfect resort of her dreams.. water cottages, beautiful sunsets and starry starry nights. His elaborate proposal the night before..

Yesterday I went to the Steven Curtis Chapman concert.. and he said that Gandhi said that if today was his last day in this world, he would plant a tree.. Not because there's anything special about planting a tree.. but just because that was what he had planned to do today anyway. and that what we do if we knew it was our last day, it shouldn't be too different to what u had already planned. Coz we would probably never know when that last day is going to be. So everyday we have to live it like it's our last. And I think Bernard did. On his last day he lived it the way his whole life was, he lived it to the max. He dived 3 times in magnificent beauty, he proposed to Grace. He never lived in this world to protect her the rest of her life, but he protected her in the rest of his....

Do you think he's in heaven now, peacefully watching over everyone n giving his blessings to fill everyone's hearts now empty without him? I think he is. I hope he is. I believe he is.......